Our giant immediate family

Above is our family tree.  This is our immediate family.  These are the people that if a hospital was restricting to immediate family, we would say these people.  This doesn't include Nate and Chris's wives because I couldn't remember their names (Sorry!!)  This also doesn't include Chad, because well technically he's not immediate family, but I'd want him in my hospital room.

This family is great and I love each and every one of you.  I wouldn't trade you for anything.  In fact, I feel very blessed to have you guys in my life.  How many people can say they have 6 dads?  Growing up in many ways I was an only child.  My brother and sister came along 7 and 8 years later respectively but my Mom and Daniel didn't live around here for the first few years (St. Louis and Chicago.)  This made for awesome Summer trips.  I still have fond memories of both St. Louis and Chicago.  Growing up as an only child I always wanted a large family.  My Mom has eight siblings and my Dad, three. I had 0 for the better part of 10 years.  Then they moved back and I had two.  Now I have ten legally and eleven spiritually (that's you Chad).  I can't describe how happy this makes me.  I think I've said before that growing up an only child in a single parent household was very lonely at times.  I've always had lots of friends but that's not the same.  This family is truly a wish come true.

I wanted to say that to give you an idea of how much I love my family, because this is the part where I have to complain just a little bit.  On June 8th we officially became our own little family of three.  It's wonderful.  I love my daughter and my wife more than I can even express.  Having such a large family now, though, it's been difficult to find time as a family of three.  Olive has been here for 18 days of those days 12 of them we've either had visitors or gone somewhere to visit people.  Maybe it's selfish of me and maybe I'm an awful person for saying it, but only getting to spend 1/3 of her life so far as our little family of 3 has been a bit rough on me.  I want to know who we are as a family.  I want to know our dynamics with each other.  I feel like we haven't been able to establish any kind of rhythm yet in that perspective.  I'm sure it will get better, because I'm sure it is the newness of her.  I feel like such a jerk for complaining because I know that everyone that wants to see her wants to see her out of love.  I'm sure there will come a day when I want someone to come and take her off my hands and I need the distraction of other people.

I just needed to get that out there and I'm sorry if I've offended anyone.  I just don't want to be resenting my amazing family and I want you all to know that I love you.

Little people, little things

I know I said I like to live in the present and not look in the past, but today I went back to the past.  Have you ever thought of something rather randomly and it has reminded you of being a child?  The other day I was listening to Pandora and a song came on that sounded similar to a band that I remembered from my childhood.  I doubt anyone who reads this has heard of Flim and the BB's, but when you grow up in a house full of music you hear some odd stuff.

So, I called Dad and asked him to burn me copies of the CD's.  I started listening to one the other day and my wife asked me to turn of the horrible music.  So today, while she was at work I decided to listen (this is how we compromise).  I was instantly transported back to a child of 5 years.  The CD is called Tricycle and it was one of the first CD's Dad ever purchased.  I sat on my couch, closed my eyes and I was there in that living room and tiny.  It brought back the simple thoughts and the simple happiness of being young.  I feel lucky that there were happy times in my childhood.  I know a lot of people who have parents that split up when they were as young as I was and most of them have we'll call them issues stemming from a sense of unhappiness.

I know and my parents made sure I knew that they both loved me very much.  I've always known that they split up because they weren't compatible with each other but the one thing they were both happy about with their marriage was me.  I can accept this and like I said I've never felt unloved.  I can't say I haven't been angry at my parents, specifically mad at my mom since she's the one who "left," meaning she moved out of the house.  In a child's eyes and heart that's what feels like the leaving, but then again, who doesn't go through that.

This kid has made me very introspective and she's not even here yet.  How do I avoid making the mistakes of parent's past, while at the same time doing the things that they did oh so well.  My parents never let me go a day thinking they didn't love me,  I hope Olive feels the same way when she's my age.  Her mother and I are very committed to each other and our family.  We're both very resolute in doing what we can to make sure Olive only ever has one mom and one dad.

Anyway, that's my thoughts for the day.  I do promise that one of these will actually be lighthearted and funny soon.

Peace,