The interesting thing about dreams is....

Familiar Territory

     What is going on?  Last thing I remember, I was driving to my mother-in-law’s house with my wife and kids.  Now, here I am on the floor and I can feel something above me.  At first, I thought maybe I was in a box, but then I noticed I could see out to my left.  There is a wall to my right and above me is some sort of alternating cloth and metal.  Next to me on the floor is a hair brush, a hair dryer, some panties and a couple of bras.  I can see a mirror, no wait it’s a TV and is that Jennifer?  Wow, I haven’t thought about here in years.  I used to have the biggest crush on her in college.  Wait, why is she getting undressed and why the hell is this on TV?  Oh, that’s her husband, Tommy.  Oh, shit.  This is a sex tape.  I didn’t know she was in to that. 

     Well, now my surroundings at least make some sense, I must be under her bed.  Yah, that doesn’t sound creepy. What in the hell?  Why is he looking straight at the camera and she doesn’t even seem to notice?  The TV turned off.  Ok, how do I get out of here, without being seen?  I’ll just wait ‘til she leaves.  Wow, that’s a hairy leg hanging off the bed.  Oh, it’s Tommy and he’s getting up.

“This pinhole camera was worth every penny.”

     That was something I didn’t need to know.  How do you tell someone their husband is a creeper?  Funny thing is though; they look the same age as they did back when we were in college.  Ok, one problem at a time here.  It looks like Tommy is leaving.  As I climb out from under the bed, I notice that these surroundings look somehow familiar.  There seem to be two beds here and a lot of books.  Wait, is this a dorm room?  I am so lost. 

     The door begins to open and I have nowhere to go.  If it’s Tommy or Jennifer I can use the camera as leverage.

“Ok, calm down” I say to myself.

     It’s not Tommy or Jennifer. It’s Whitney, her roommate from college. She screams.  I run past her as the cops start to chase me.  They are UTA cops.  How am I back in college?  Is this a dream?  At the end of the hall I run down the stairs and out one of the stairwell exits from the dorm.  These cops are slow. Right across the street is my dorm or at least it was my dorm during this time frame.  I check my pockets and sure enough there are my keys to the room.  Ok well this has to be a dream, there’s no way I traveled back in time 9 years.

     I’ve reached my room and I seem to have lost the cops.  If this is a dream I should be able to wake up and I shouldn’t be out of breath.  Well, in case this isn’t a dream I better act like this is all normal.  I can’t make assumptions like I can’t die or that I’ll just wake up and be back with my family.  Oh, man.  My wife is 13 right now.  I can’t go to her; in fact I’m not even sure what state she lives in right now.

“Well, that’s enough sitting around.  Let’s see what there is to see here.”

     I go out to the Arlington Hall common area and see my old friends.  Their all gathered around the TV watching the VMA’s. I decide to say hi to James.  It seems like something I would do.

“Hey,” says James.  “How’s it going?”

“Not bad.” I replied.

“Did you ever get that thing straightened out with, Alisha?”

“What thing?”

“Those noise complaints.”

   

     Oh, right.  This must be after our neighbors complained about us and our RA was trying to hand out some measure of discipline.  Look, it had been a wild night with a lot of booze. 

“Yah, it’s all taken care of.”

“Isn’t there supposed to be some middle school tour coming through today?”

“Dude, you picked the wrong day to ask me questions about what is going on.”

     It looks like he was right though, I see a group of people coming.  Half of them look to be in their forties to fifties and the other half in their early teens.  Also, there’s Alisha leading the group explaining about the amenities here at the campus’s newest dorm.

“Here is our common area, where our residents hang out when they aren’t busy studying.”

“Alisha?” a young girl asks.

“Yes?”

“Are boys and girls on the same floor here?”

“Why, yes they are.  Why do you ask?”

“I was just curious.”

“Ok, well don’t get any funny ideas.”

     This doesn’t really seem to be appropriate conversation for a group in their early teens, I mean really what does Alisha expect her to be implying?  Then again, I remember being that age and depending on your perspective it wasn’t that long ago.   One young girl seems to have broken away from the group.  She looks, somehow familiar.

“Ashley! Do not wander away from the group!”

     That seems a little harsh.  I’m not sure why Alisha is yelling so loudly.

“You have been nothing but trouble this entire time!  I know your parents aren’t here with you but that doesn’t mean you can just do whatever you please.”

“I’m sorry Alisha, I don’t mean to cause trouble.”

“I don’t care what you do or do not mean to do.”

     Suddenly Ashley bursts into tears.   Now, I recognize her.  How could I not have seen it before?  I run over to her, take her into my arms and hold on to her for dear life.  She starts sobbing and I as I look into her face, it transforms and the scene around her changes.  I’m lying down now looking up into the sky and into Ashley’s sobbing face, but it’s older now, perfectly familiar.

“Please don’t leave me.”

    I try to tell her to not be crazy.  I would never leave her, but my mouth isn’t working.

“Please stay with me. John. JOHN!!!”

     It’s easier to close my eyes. 

    Now I’m back in the dorm and I know what has happened.  These are the last images I will ever remember.  I hold on to my wife as she sobs.

“Please. Please.  I’m going to miss you so much.  I don’t want to go yet.”

“Please…… PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!”

_______________________________________________________

This short story was based on a dream I had last night.  I had to get it out of my system.  Since it was a dream, there are threads that don't lead anywhere and really aren't relevant to the overall story.  I would refine it some, but I think for a short story, it doesn't have to be as structured as a novel.  It is what it is, I hope you enjoyed it.

Our giant immediate family

Above is our family tree.  This is our immediate family.  These are the people that if a hospital was restricting to immediate family, we would say these people.  This doesn't include Nate and Chris's wives because I couldn't remember their names (Sorry!!)  This also doesn't include Chad, because well technically he's not immediate family, but I'd want him in my hospital room.

This family is great and I love each and every one of you.  I wouldn't trade you for anything.  In fact, I feel very blessed to have you guys in my life.  How many people can say they have 6 dads?  Growing up in many ways I was an only child.  My brother and sister came along 7 and 8 years later respectively but my Mom and Daniel didn't live around here for the first few years (St. Louis and Chicago.)  This made for awesome Summer trips.  I still have fond memories of both St. Louis and Chicago.  Growing up as an only child I always wanted a large family.  My Mom has eight siblings and my Dad, three. I had 0 for the better part of 10 years.  Then they moved back and I had two.  Now I have ten legally and eleven spiritually (that's you Chad).  I can't describe how happy this makes me.  I think I've said before that growing up an only child in a single parent household was very lonely at times.  I've always had lots of friends but that's not the same.  This family is truly a wish come true.

I wanted to say that to give you an idea of how much I love my family, because this is the part where I have to complain just a little bit.  On June 8th we officially became our own little family of three.  It's wonderful.  I love my daughter and my wife more than I can even express.  Having such a large family now, though, it's been difficult to find time as a family of three.  Olive has been here for 18 days of those days 12 of them we've either had visitors or gone somewhere to visit people.  Maybe it's selfish of me and maybe I'm an awful person for saying it, but only getting to spend 1/3 of her life so far as our little family of 3 has been a bit rough on me.  I want to know who we are as a family.  I want to know our dynamics with each other.  I feel like we haven't been able to establish any kind of rhythm yet in that perspective.  I'm sure it will get better, because I'm sure it is the newness of her.  I feel like such a jerk for complaining because I know that everyone that wants to see her wants to see her out of love.  I'm sure there will come a day when I want someone to come and take her off my hands and I need the distraction of other people.

I just needed to get that out there and I'm sorry if I've offended anyone.  I just don't want to be resenting my amazing family and I want you all to know that I love you.

Little people, little things

I know I said I like to live in the present and not look in the past, but today I went back to the past.  Have you ever thought of something rather randomly and it has reminded you of being a child?  The other day I was listening to Pandora and a song came on that sounded similar to a band that I remembered from my childhood.  I doubt anyone who reads this has heard of Flim and the BB's, but when you grow up in a house full of music you hear some odd stuff.

So, I called Dad and asked him to burn me copies of the CD's.  I started listening to one the other day and my wife asked me to turn of the horrible music.  So today, while she was at work I decided to listen (this is how we compromise).  I was instantly transported back to a child of 5 years.  The CD is called Tricycle and it was one of the first CD's Dad ever purchased.  I sat on my couch, closed my eyes and I was there in that living room and tiny.  It brought back the simple thoughts and the simple happiness of being young.  I feel lucky that there were happy times in my childhood.  I know a lot of people who have parents that split up when they were as young as I was and most of them have we'll call them issues stemming from a sense of unhappiness.

I know and my parents made sure I knew that they both loved me very much.  I've always known that they split up because they weren't compatible with each other but the one thing they were both happy about with their marriage was me.  I can accept this and like I said I've never felt unloved.  I can't say I haven't been angry at my parents, specifically mad at my mom since she's the one who "left," meaning she moved out of the house.  In a child's eyes and heart that's what feels like the leaving, but then again, who doesn't go through that.

This kid has made me very introspective and she's not even here yet.  How do I avoid making the mistakes of parent's past, while at the same time doing the things that they did oh so well.  My parents never let me go a day thinking they didn't love me,  I hope Olive feels the same way when she's my age.  Her mother and I are very committed to each other and our family.  We're both very resolute in doing what we can to make sure Olive only ever has one mom and one dad.

Anyway, that's my thoughts for the day.  I do promise that one of these will actually be lighthearted and funny soon.

Peace,

Looking back 10 years....

Ever since my 10 year reunion last year, I occasionally look back at what I was doing 10 years ago.   To be honest, I'm sure I started looking 10 years back before then, but now it has passed, "Oh, I was in school at Aledo" or variations on that theme.  10 years ago was the first of those gloriously long college summers when school ends in the first week of May and doesn't start again until the end of August.

I'm sure I'll continue to do this, I can think of 1 day in April and 2 days in May specifically next year when I will be looking back 10 years, but today, if you'll stay with me, I'd like to share about that Summer.

Now, with the midwives putting us on baby watch and the due date fast approaching for Our Baby Olive to come into this world, I sit and think back and wonder did I see this coming 10 years ago?  It's fitting that Olive comes this year of all years.  Summer of 2001, I see as the last summer I ever had the blissful happiness of youthful innocence.  Now, 10 years later, I (we) have created a new life and get to see the world through her eyes.  By the time Summer of 2002 rolled around, I had moved out of my Dad's house for good and my closest friend was dead, but this Summer, this first long and last innocent Summer was glorious.

I started dating a girl who would change my life.  She taught me many lessons about how to be a decent person and how to survive in a relationship.  We've both since moved on and found people who are much better for us. It's not that we were bad people, or bad to each other (on purpose) but we were an oval peg and a round hole. The right general shape and very close, but in the end we just didn't fit right.  I took a lot from that relationship.  I learned that in order to be truly happy you can't pretend to change the things that you don't want to change.  I went into that relationship looking for it to be "The One" and that was wrong of me.  Anybody I have dated since, I've looked to see if the pieces fit, not tried to reshape myself to fit the pieces that don't.  I have found my Love and my Life.  My wife and I fit, I guess you could say she's my oval.  It was a long, long journey to get to where I could recognize all of this and that journey started just about 10 years ago.

Like I said that Summer was also the last Summer I lived in Aledo.  It was the last time my closest friend lived 3 doors down and I could just pop in without having to call or plan in advance.  If I had known then that this was the last 3 months that we'd be able to hang out every day for days on end, I would have done it more, but that's the thing about going through life, you can't see what's coming.  Still, we had good times those 3 months.  Before I discount everyone else that was around, I do need to say that was the last time that HS group of ours hung out on a regular basis.  I think, looking back, Randy was a lynch pin in our group.  In a weird way he held us all together.  Now, don't get me wrong we're all still friends and some of us still see each other on occasion but we did seem to splinter off into separate groups after that.  I'm sure it's no coincidence that it also coincided with us going to different schools and moving to different parts of Texas, but at the same time we had less reason to come back.  I miss those guys and girls, a lot.

Let's get back to the happier side of all of that.  It was a great summer, I was researching going to UTA.  I visited my girlfriend a lot in Denton in that heavenly 1 bedroom efficiency apartment.  I'm pretty sure that was the Summer with the month old glass cup of Lucky Charms and Milk that yours truly cleaned out of that apartment.  That still may be the single most disgusting thing I have ever cleaned.  It started as a full cup and by the time it was cleaned it had condensed down to half cup.  The smell, as I found out was sealed in by the top layer.  As soon as I dug a spoon in to slop it into the garbage disposal the smell almost knocked me down and my food out.  It was an unimaginable horror and no it was not my mess but 500 sq ft gets cramped real quick and I just wanted to help clean.

That summer was also pretty good for movies.  The Mummy Returns, Jurassic Park III (yah i enjoyed it), Rush Hour 2,  A Knight's Tale, Shrek, Pearl Harbor (ok didn't like that but it was a big movie), Evolution, The Fast and the Furious, A.I.,  Final Fantasy, Legally Blonde, America's Sweethearts (still love this movie),  Planet of the Apes (enjoyable),  Moulin Rouge (which I didn't see 'til it came out on video but that's a 10 year old fight not worth getting into).  Funny enough i went to the theater to see all of these, except one.  I was a movie going junkie that Summer and it was grand.

I'm sure nobody cares about any of this as it's only my trip down memory lane, but it was a good trip.  I'm looking forward to this Summer and meeting our child.  I'm looking forward to the next 10 years and what they will bring but most of all, I'm enjoying now because what's the point of always looking somewhere else if you miss everything that's going on around you.  Hell, this time last year I wasn't yet married, we had just settled on a date and we were scurrying to get everything together for our trip to Vegas.  A lot can change in 12 months but sometimes it's nice to look and see how far you've come in the past 120.

Peace,

On speaking English in customer service positions....

Look, I'm not one of those "Speak English or GTFO of America" kind of people, but there are some instances where at least understanding English is probably a good idea.  Now, I understand I shouldn't expect awesome customer service from Wendy's all the time.  I've come to accept if you can make me fat for $5 you probably skimp on some things.  Having said that though, here is my adventure today.

(Please don't judge my food choice...)

Drive up to drive through...
Worker:  "Would you like to try our chicken salad?"
Me: (in my head) "No, damn it, I'll tell you what I want, that's why I came here...."
Me:  No thanks, I would like a medium double stack combo, plain with no cheese..
Worker:  You want  2 bacon doubles with cheese? What do you want to drink.
Me: A Dr Pepper but that's not what I ordered...
Worker: You wand a Dr Pepper for both? ok, that's $8.77
Me. Ummm.... no   I want a medium double stack combo, plain with no cheese.
Worker: Ok, you want anything else?
Me:  Another double stack, same way.
Worker:  You want cheese with that?
Me. No. Thank you.
Worker: that will be $4.98 at the first window... (see $5 fat meal)

Pull up..

Worker:  Como Esta?
Me: I'm good. How are you?
Worker looks confused hands me my card back and says thank you.
Me: (mentally) I'm brown, doesn't mean I speak Spanish, lady.  Also, didn't you just take my order, wtf makes you think that the guy you were just talking to on the intercom who speaks with a Texas accent has any idea how to speak Spanish miraculously in the past 5 seconds it took me to drive up, just 'cause I'm brown....
Me: Thanks.

I grab my food and check it (always a key) and hey there's no cheese but it has everything else on it...

So, I take it back in and explain to the lady at the front..

Me:  I wanted this plain with no cheese.
She looks at it and says "Plain?"
Me: Yes.
Worker: And you wanted cheese?
Me. No... (someone's f'n with me, right? like this is on camera somewhere, right?)
Worker: Ok
She walks to the back and i hear her explain in Spanish (yah I understand a little Spanish, not the point at the moment) "He wants this plain with no cheese"
Other worker. No Queso?!? solomente carne y "bread"
Worker 1: Si
Workers 2, 3, 4 and 5... *snicker*
Me: (WTF!)
Worker 1: here you go, sorry.


Like I said, i'm not a speak Enlgish or GTFO kind of guy but seriously at least be able to functionally understand English before you serve customers, that's all I ask.  Also, don't profile me 'cause I'm brown....

Ahh well.. it was damn delicious when I finally got to eat it.

Peace,

What it is and what it isn't...

This is a space for me and my musings.  It may be interesting to you it may not be.  This is a place for me to put out into the world the things I think need saying or the place to have a public freak out about things in my life.  If it were just me that had consequences to what I write, I'd share everything here.  Now, though with a family to think about and the need to protect some privacy, I won't be sharing EVERYTHING.  That being said, I won't censor too much, just thing things that would upset my wife or that are too personal to put out there...

I hope you enjoy